Personal Diary: February 18, 2015

February 18, 2015

Dear Diary,

Your girl is beautiful.... Hubble!

I have a lot of thoughts that I want it in print hence I am writing it today. I am so missing Mr. B so I am putting my restlessness into words. My thoughts?  Falling in love is easy - it is staying in love that is hard.

I have fallen in love twice and trying to stay in love at the moment. When it happened the first time, I was naive, emotional and idealistic but was left extremely broken and unaware. I spent a lot of time thinking about why things didn't work out how we intended. It was easy until it wasn't.

Now that I am in love again with Mr. B, it is quite the opposite experience. In the beginning of our relationship, I was cautious, skeptical and built an emotional fortress for protection. But eventually, it all came crumbling down, brick by brick until today when I felt that I am back in that familiar place. I feel this matters a lot because he and I, we are happy and that everything else feels good.

This is how falling in love is, it is a natural high, a rush of intense emotions, anticipation, warmth, euphoria and FEAR. These - took me by force. I never really saw it coming and then unexpectedly, it all catches up and I eventually realize there's no turning back.

Now that I have found this sweet spot again, I told myself "This is where I want to be. I want to stay right here, for a long time."

As we fall in love, our affections effortlessly motivate us. These feelings propel us to make some of the most irrational decisions or perform unexpected romantic tasks like staying up all night talking on the phone despite having an important client meeting or a job interview the next day, making breakfast just because or driving 400 miles just to spend a day together. Emotions especially love, passion and happiness are our strongest motivators because we will do anything to maintain them.

However, we often fail to realize that it never lasts. What goes up must come down and sometimes the feeling of high lasts for a couple of months and sometimes, it can lasts for a couple of years.

We are often blinded by the illusion that everything good is infinite and invincible. Once we come down and reality sinks in, it gets a little tricky. When the feelings subside, we must work twice as hard to maintain and deepen the relationship. The emotions become less intense until they stabilize into something that is just part of your everyday life. Without the intensity, the motivation eventually fades and that's when things get comfortable. 

Once you're in the comfort zone, the relationship either becomes stale and unappealing (this is when things don't work out) or it evolves into a two-player team (this is when you stay in love), depending on what you do next.

If both of you truly want to stay in love, you must always CHOOSE love - a choice built on the foundation of communication, acceptance and selflessness. It means being honest with your significant other while being true to yourself and understanding that compromises are the key to all healthy relationships.

It means connecting and sometimes disconnecting but always discussing your feelings without blame, assumption and insult so that you never go to bed angry.

It means knowing that your partner will make mistakes but always thinking before speaking before reacting so that the two of you can learn and grow from the experience. 

It means that even when you don't feel much love in any given moment, you do not give in to the short term emotions and will instead behave and communicate with tenderness and patience., share your vulnerabilities and consistently decide to forgive and move forward.

In the end, the effort is in the decisions you make. Making a decision on anything isn't easy because it requires consciousness and careful thoughts whereas emotions can master you without your consent.

Choosing love is choosing selflessness and taking a much higher road - a task that is not easily done, as we are all inherently in it for ourselves.

However, if we realize that temporary is easy but forever is hard - we'll consistently work for the things and the people who are worth fighting for while enjoying the magic of all that is finite.

She is simple. I am complicated. You just made a choice.

Dalya